victimless crime

I woke up this morning in a frenzy, there was something there.. deep inside that was screaming to get out. Before I went to bed a friend said to me, "Don't be so scared, no one is going to hurt you." It's been haunting me, such a simple sentence that was meant to reassure me and make me feel safe has now turned my insides upside down. Sometimes I wish I could just have the physical pain again, at least that was more simple, more routine. This waiting.. anticipating for it to come again, is killing me. Actions are easier to understand then the thoughts and feelings that play a part in it. Emotions leave room for gray, and I have always strived for black and white, I didn't have to question or wonder anything. Today is different, today I must allow myself to think, to go through it, and get past it. I refuse to allow my past dictate my future. I am not a victim.